by Nerisa del Carmen Guevara

I wish that I could feel something other than this burning in my stomach. I wanted very much to feel the emptiness of your leaving. I wanted very much to pay attention to the pain in your chest as it took you all your breath to tell me that you were leaving. My tears spilled like yours as my stomach mashed itself into my diaphragm, I wanted so much to stand to stop you but my pain made me fetal, my sadness as well but i couldn’t tell the difference at that time. I looked like I wanted you to go. But you see, this pain is embarrassing so I let you leave.

Now that you are gone, I am afraid of numbess. Because there was nothing I could have done. Nothing a seltzer would have done. Now I hide behind my stomach.

Maybe while you were speaking, my heart slipped into my stomach. Maybe that was the pain I felt all along. My stomach eating my heart.